This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
