Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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