you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
