Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your penis caused this!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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