turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
