You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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