I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
