using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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