Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
