i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
