Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
