tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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