I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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