and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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