I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
