NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
