it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
