you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
