My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
