i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
