i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
