Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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