Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Green mimosas i think yes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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