I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
