super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
