so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
