if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
