New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
