FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was born a porn star she said
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
