I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The struggles of a small town man whore
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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