I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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