Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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