saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nicole vs. Life
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
