If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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