Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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