The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
