wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
