so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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