I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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