I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
