Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
