My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
