I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
