You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
