I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
