Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
