I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
