My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
