I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
