Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
