I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
