All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
